Under Momma's desk

When I find myself at my desk, blogging, editing photo's, e mailing, paying bills, I also find my furry children at my feet. I pretty much find them anywhere I happen to be. We were having a battle with the desk, however, since there are about a go-zillion wires and cables under it. Dogs really don't care where they lay down, apparently, and aren't educated on electricity or how sitting on a wire might upset the flow of electricity to Mom's computer and frustrate her greatly. I decided instead of fighting the battle and trying to keep them out from under the desk, that I would attempt to accommodate them better. I've had this doggy bed for several years, in fact, Sophie nursed a litter of puppies on this bed, the same litter from which Charlotte came. (Hey Susie, did you notice how I didn't end that sentence with a preposition??) Wilson slept on it for the first few months he was here and it has been washed about 100 times. I tried to move most of the wires out of the way, situated the bed and, voila! Momma can sit at her desk and not have to keep plugging the computer, and all it's accessories, back in. Now, if I could just figure out a way to eliminate wires altogether. 

• A Wilson Update

I would also like to mention a little side note about Wilson's progress. You can tell by the picture (sort of) how thin he has become. We continue to battle diarrhea, I don't even think diarrhea can accurately describe what Wilson is going through. There have been moments of doubt on my part, not knowing if I'm doing the right thing by him. We have had our share of strays on our farm and...if I were to see a dog that is in the shape that Wilson is in, I would be the first one to say "that dog need to be put out of it's misery". I keep thinking of that scene in Pet Cemetery with Zelda. Does anybody remember that? Where the mother is remembering her childhood and how she was left in charge of her very ill sister who is so thin and gaunt that she looks horrific and disturbing. I want my puppy back, ya'll. I want my beautiful healthy vibrant lustrous baby back. I'm not sure what God is teaching me here. Endurance? Commitment? Love? Unconditional love? 

I am weary with worry, I have a terrible crick in my neck probably brought on by tension and I don't know how to fix this problem. The vet thinks that the diarrhea is due to his surgery and that it will get better. I'm starting to doubt that. His symptoms are the same as they were before the surgery. I've checked several times to see if the poor thing is still breathing, that is how incredibly sick he looks. Please continue to pray for us. 

Comments

I have had several people express their wishes to leave comments on this blog with no avail. So...I have changed my settings and everyone and anyone should be able to leave comments now. Hope it works. Can't wait to start hearing from you!

Getting Better

I figured I better post an update since people are asking about Wilson. He is getting better and better!!! I got off the phone just a bit ago with Dr. Martin and he said I could come pick him up tomorrow morning and see how he does at home over the weekend. It has been 24 hours since he has tossed his cookies and things are looking better coming out the other end too. He still is having a bit of diarrhea but this is due to him having to adjust to having 4 feet less of his intestines. Doc said it could take a month or even longer for this adjustment to happen, especially since he wasn't digesting food properly before the surgery. Bless his heart. 

My Aunt Gail, cousin Loni, and her baby Parker were here for the last couple of days which has been so sweet and uplifting. I ran my camera through it's paces yesterday and poor Parker may be blinded for life from the constant flashes. I will be posting some pictures when I get a batch edited. Boy, did I need that baby lovin. They left this morning and I can already feel the withdrawals setting in. I got asked a couple of times if I wanted another baby and I said, "NO, I have dogs!" If I really get the urge and need something to cuddle, I'll get myself another rabbit or something. 

A Lightening of Spirit

The last week has been pretty darn exhausting on my poor ol' heart. Thinking of Wilson and what his little body is having to endure has caused anxieties and worry for all of us. This morning, I was standing at my sink and looking out at the cold, (really cold) gray morning and started to feel gloomy again. Then my eyes shifted from the bleak winter outside to the Christmas lights that are still mingled around my windows and gracing my shelves. When I initially took my decor down, I left these lights up merely by oversight and not on purpose. They do add an extra bit of warmth and charm to my kitchen and I haven't had the heart to take them down. Something as trivial and insignificant as a string of Christmas lights sure can change a person's outlook because I could feel myself becoming lighter, happier, refreshed. 

 I was thinking about how I would take their picture and write about them in my blog while I continued on with my dish washing. The weird thing is that while I was pondering what I would say about them, one little light lost it's grip and fell down in the corner of the shelf. Hmmm, for a minute I thought "I have actual magical powers!!", then I just guessed that they were as happy to be noticed as I was to notice them. But then I remembered that I had just set a jar in that corner not 5 minutes before and must have moved them just enough to cause the light to fall. All that aside, I am feeling better. I'm not saying that a string of lights healed me, they just lightened my mood and I think I'll just leave them right where they are...at least until Spring. 

Hospital Visit

 Poor poor Wilson. That is all I can keep thinking. Poor baby. When I got to the vet, they immediately sent me to a room and brought Wilson right to me. When the door opened and he walked in, my heart was so, so confused. I was so happy to see him but was in shock at his appearance. Skin and bones.  

But all of that was quickly a distant thought as his tail started wagging and he began licking my face, so happy to see me. I sat in the floor and he cuddled up in my lap and that is where he wanted to stay. Wilson has always done this sweet little thing where he puts his head on my shoulder and snuggles in and lets out a relieved sigh, as if he is saying "ahhh, my mommy." 

I wanted to stay right there too. Poor poor baby. Anyway, the vet said that he was still trying to regulate his intake of food. The poor thing is so hungry that he is still scarfing down any food they put in front of him and this will cause him to vomit. It is going to be a tedious task to get him on his way to recovery, feeding him small portions throughout the day. When he goes for 24 hours and keeps everything down, Doc said he would consider letting him come home. 

His prognosis is still uncertain. He tested positive for salmonella, probably something he has had all along and more than likely the cause of the mass. After consulting with another vet, Doc thinks that this could be chronic and something we may continue to fight. I feel a little like I've had the wind knocked out of me. Poor poor Wilson. He has quite a mountain to climb but I really think he will do it. I can see him months from now in tip-top shape and wearing me out with his bumbling energy. This is the image that I will keep in my mind. 

Cautiously Optimistic

For some reason, this is the way I keep picturing Wilson...just a wee little baby. I feel this way about my kids too, they are still and forever more will be, my babies. 

Well, I got the call I'd been anxiously awaiting this morning, although my phone decided to turn itself off and I had to hear Doc on my voice mail. Maybe this is a good thing for I've listened to it 3 times now because the news is GOOD!!! Wilson had a great night last night and is up this morning eating and (this was the part I loved) wagging his tail! He had several good bowel movements (I know everyone loves knowing this) which means all is working correctly. He did have a slight fever but this is normal after surgery. Doc said he still wasn't out of the woods but he is "cautiously optimistic". I like that word optimistic. It made my heart happy to hear. 

I would also like to say, at this point, that I am so moved by everyones concern. If I ever had any doubt in the kindness of humanity, it is gone now. People I haven't seen in years and actually barely know are well-wishing my puppy and I. God has taught me a lesson through this. For one I've decided that I won't compartmentalize Him any longer and decide what is and is not his turf or what I think is worthy of his power, for God made it all. Secondly, I've learned that there are lovely, glorious people walking around on this planet that would go so far as to pray for a dog they don't even know. I can't even explain how this makes me feel. Thank you for praying because it is working and thank you for having hearts big enough to squeeze in prayer time for a puppy. 

Praying for puppy

I am sending up prayers to heaven for my puppy today. I'm sure that there is an angel in heaven that ministers to dogs, there has to be.

Wilson had surgery this afternoon for an obstruction in his intestines. Dr. Martin, our vet, called me a little while ago with the news. He came through the surgery ok but there were complications. The mass that he removed was quite large and he isn't sure what it was. The bad part is that he had to remove about 4 feet of his intestines in order to have healthy blood flow where he put the intestines back together. It won't be an easy recovery and he said the next 48 hours would be critical, he even used the words "touch and go". If he makes it through the weekend, then we should be ok, just a possibility of having to put him on a special diet. But, there is that chance that we could loose him. So, here I sit with this before me. My logic is telling me to hope for the best but prepare for the worst but my heart is tender and, the truth is, I don't want to even look at the bad side of it. I know that God has all things in his hands and if He needs to take Wilson then he will and I'll have to accept it. I sure don't want to. Dr. Martin said he would stay in touch with me and I'll be sure to post results. 

Developing News

Is everybody completely intrigued and on the edge of their seat about my dog's health? I know you are, unless you have a hollow tin chest and then I would suggest going to see a wizard. 

Just kidding. 

We found out something today about poor poor Wilson. He has some sort of mass in his tummy. It isn't clear if it is something that has been there for a while or not. And we aren't sure exactly what it is, perhaps something he ingested. The vet didn't think we had to worry about tumors since he is just a baby, there is just something in there that isn't supposed to be and is causing big trouble. This has probably been the culprit all along. Now that he is so malnourished, it is causing breakdown in his muscles and why his legs are becoming weak. I've always prided myself on taking good care of my animals and I've never felt so helpless not to be able to get this guy healthy. I am feeling better now that we know what is causing the problems and there is a way to fix it and you guessed it, the answer is surgery. So, tomorrow morning I will take him back to the vet and, more than likely, he will be having surgery tomorrow evening. I will let everybody know how it goes. Stay on the edge of your seat. 

Back to the VET!!!

This is a picture of Wilson on the 16th. Please note his front feet/legs. Now scroll down....

Now, these are Wilson's feet today. What the heck is going on with my puppy???

Is this not the oddest thing you've ever seen?? I was in tears last night as I took these photo's. So, we are off to the vet again this morning. There was a point last night when I felt like giving up. This is too hard, I've never had a dog that was so worrisome and had so many problems. Then I looked back on the day I went to pick him up. He ran to me, he wanted me, he chose ME. A lot of people would have given up on him, not cared for him, decided it was too much trouble and let him go. As hard as all this is, I decided that it is up to me to do what I can to help Wilson. Somehow I feel that it is frivolous and taking up my time that could better be suited to other causes. God knows me and knows my heart and he knows that I love my dogs, well all of his creatures great and small. Maybe he loves Wilson too and knew I would take good care of him. I don't know. I guess I'll just keep doing what must be done each day for him while trying to balance my family and farm, and...hopefully something good will come from all of the struggling

Separation Anxiety

Remember THE STARE?? This was Wilson's stare before he left to go to the vet, and if I were a dog, this is how I would look right now. 

Wilson is staying in the hospital another night. I called earlier and the vet reassured me that he was improving but he still didn't feel comfortable sending him home. The antibiotics that they are giving him seem to be working but until they get the cultures back and know for sure what they are dealing with, they won't know exactly how to treat it. Meanwhile, I am having separation anxiety. I read that Weimaraners are highly susceptible to separation anxiety and I am worried about how he must be feeling. I hope he is handling it better than me, because I'm ready to chew the legs off the coffee table, tear up a shoe, and pee in the floor. Seriously. I've been staying busy and keep finding myself back at the computer for one reason or another, probably just trying to calm myself. Self soothing has never been one of my strong points...that's why I have 3 dogs. When I began having blood pressure problems last summer, I was monitoring it morning and evening. Once, I was curious and took my blood pressure and it was it's usual high number, then I laid on the couch called Charlotte over to me and we laid there for a minute while I stroked her back. When I took my blood pressure again while doing this, it was down to normal range. Petting a dog 24 hours a day wasn't practical so I had to go on meds but that was quite revealing to me. My doggies are useful, despite what Rodney says, they are therapeutic tools for crying out loud. I will be so glad to get Wilson back home, I can't imagine how he must be feeling. 

Sick puppy

I took these pictures of Wilson last week. He was playing and feeling really well, look at that goofy face!! Well, Thursday night he got sick...again! He has had trouble with his little tummy off and on since I brought him home. 

I put a little bit of stew juice on his food the night he got sick so I thought that was the problem and thought it would clear right up. Well, it didn't. He was sick all weekend and by this morning, he was acting it. I was nearly in a panic to get him to the vet. The only thing I could get him to eat over the weekend was chicken, and I gave him lots of it. He got lots of electrolytes and imodium and pepto bismol too. I was on the phone and on the internet trying to figure out what could be wrong with my baby almost all day Saturday. 

He is at the vet now. I had to leave him there. He had already lost two pounds, and that is a lot for a puppy. Leaving him was heart-wrenching. We are so completely in love with each other and he has a bit of separation anxiety (apparently I do too) and to think of him spending the night in a strange place was almost more than I could bear. I have been reassured by several people that he is in good hands and I shouldn't worry. The diagnosis, so far, is that he has some sort of bacterial infection or perhaps an enzyme deficiency or imbalance. The doctor felt it was better if he stayed there so he could start him on some enzymes and get him well hydrated. I agreed. 

I asked Rodney last night if he thought it frivolous to pray for a dog. He said he didn't think so and that we should pray for him. I know God can do anything and I know he can heal my poor puppy. I will continue to pray for him and I will post an update as soon as I hear. I sure will be glad to get him home. 

Beautiful Boy

Kyle was asked to be an escort for the homecoming ceremony that was held Friday. He walked Taylor's friend Montana. I really didn't think it was that big of a deal until I saw him all dressed up and then it was all I could do to keep from weeping. Getting ready for it was no big deal, at least not in comparison to what I went through when Taylor was in the court a few years ago. I only needed to get him a tie and we begged a borrowed the pants and shirt.

Except we did forget about the shoes! Can you pick out which shoes belong to Kyle??

 I think I told this story not long ago about when he was supposed to wear a white shirt to a Christmas concert and didn't tell me until the day of. He was the only one on the stage with a red shirt in a sea of white shirted kids. He just wasn't meant to follow the crowd. So, on he goes marching to the beat of his own drummer. 

But look how grown up he looks!! sniff sniff. 

Wasn't it just yesterday that he was this precious little baby boy? I've always loved this picture of him. I'm pretty sure he had a busted lip, he always had some sort of injury. Keeping Kyle alive up to this point has been a great personal achievement. 

We always kept him in overalls because the straps did double duty as handles. They came in real handy when you had to snatch him up in a hurry or catch him before he got away. I can't imagine trying to do that now. If I grabbed on to anything he was wearing to try to stop him from running, I think I'd just be along for the ride. He has grown into such a lovely young man and I am very blessed that he is in my life. 

I am playing around with my background and font. The site that I use to do this is down and I'm stuck here with what I have for now. It is hard to read but I am going to fix it asap. Sorry if you have to squint!!

Dreaming of Spring

There is a long and cold lull between the Christmas holidays and the first of spring. There is, in-fact, 64 days, 14 hours, and 19 minutes before spring officially arrives. Now, I love the seasons and appreciate each one and their own uniqueness. There is a harmony in the way Mother Earth orchestrates the phenomenon of the seasons and, oh how I love Mother Earth. However, this "lull" is hard for me to get through. It seems to drag on forever and there are days and weeks of cold and gray that seep into my heart and leave me in a mucky mire of cabin fever and seasonal depression. Yet, there is a twinkle of light in this interlude, for this is when the seed catalogs start coming in the mail. I honestly don't think I would live through the season if it weren't for those glorious catalogs greeting me at my mailbox.  

Kyle is the only other member of the family that shares the joy with me. He will carefully look through each page, as I will, and look up at me and say, "Hey, mom. Did you know these Dahlia blooms get up to 12 inches across?!" or , "We should try to grow apricots." and on and on. We always tease and say we are going to order one of everything. 

Just looking at the tomatoes makes me want to start digging in the dirt right now. I can almost smell the vines and feel the warm sun on my back. 

I think I'll order one of everything on this page because most of them are butterfly and hummingbird attractors. They are kind-of pretty too. 

I don't know how many of you know this book but it was my favorite when I was a little girl. This is the same copy my mother used to read to me over and over. It's got to be almost as old as I am and it looks it. Anyway, it is a book about a bunny named Nicholas. He lives in a hollow tree. Nicholas is a fast friend of mine and he also loves the Earth and the seasons. In the book he shares his love for summer, fall, spring and, yes, even winter. But this is my favorite part. 

After he watches the snow falling from the sky, he curls up in his hollow tree and dreams about spring. See, even sweet little Nicholas must wait for the beloved spring time to return. Now, I'm not saying that winter should be something that we have to merely "get through". We can embrace it and know that there is a reason for winter just as there is a reason for spring. I remember staring at this picture for long periods of time, going over every detail. The clothes hanging on the wall, the footprints in the snow, even the way he is curled up so tightly under his blue blanket. I am going to attempt to cuddle on up to winter but believe this, I will be dreaming of spring. 

I see the moon

I am really loving my new camera, especially the zoom lens. The moon was so bright last night and almost completely full and, as I was admiring it, I wondered if my camera could capture it. Most of the first shots looked like I was taking pictures of a street light or something. I kept playing with the shutter speed, aperture, and light settings (please don't assume for a minute that I know what any of that means, I was just pushing buttons) until, finally, I had it. For a moment I stared at the tiny little moon displayed on the camera's LCD screen, pondering how a hand-held instrument could do something so profound. There it is up there in the sky and here I sit holding it in my hand. Marvelous.  I had a dream the other night that I went into outer-space (which the dream dictionary said was representative of my creativity). It was a really awesome dream and I remember that I was heading for the moon but never made it...there were far too many other sights to behold before I woke up. Capturing the moon with my camera made up for my disappointment of not reaching it in my dream. I've always had a somewhat intense relationship with the moon. Growing up I was taught to "love" the moon. Yes, my parents were hippies, but this love of the moon came more from their love for God and an appreciation for all of his creation. The moon just happens to be brilliantly displayed up there in the night sky which makes him all the more mysterious and exquisite. We would recited this poem..."I see the moon and the moon sees me, God bless the moon and God bless me. I love the moon and the moon loves me, God loves the moon and God loves me." I do love the moon and I'm completely convinced that he loves me too. 

Yea though I walk...

I was just getting geared up this morning to go for a walk around my beloved "loop" when I sat down to check my mail before I headed out the door. I received an e mail from a friend who lives nearby who got an e mail from a friend who got an email from somebody who lives in Ashdown who has a trail cam set up in Grannis (town next to Wickes) that shot these oh-so-disturbing pictures. 

"HOLY CRAP" I said out loud (even though I tell my kids not to use this terminology)

Oh, dear LORD there is another one. Look at it's evil cold eyes lurking in the dark!!

Now I have heard rumors that people have seen cougars up on "my" hill, right where I walk. 

I used to go without fear because I had Buddy with me. After he died, I found it hard to go without my sentry at my side. 

Now while I am thinking logically, "hmmm they seem to have plenty to eat, why would they come after me??" I still am finding myself in the middle of a slight PANIC ATTACK and can't seem to muster up the courage to go walking. And I am thinking...

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. "  So, what I want to know is, would YOU go??? After seeing this actual proof that there are big cats in them thar woods...would you go? Well, I am supposed to be being "very careful" this year of the Ox, and I am so torn with whether I should be brave, claim my right to walk where I wish or be safe and stay in my box?? I don't want to stay in my box, but I don't want to get eaten either, that really looks like it would be a bad way to go. I think what I'll do is go as far as the top of the hill and come back. I'll just stay out of the isolated, thick part of the trail. I'll let you all know if I come back alive or you'll hear about it on the evening news after they find my half eaten body. eeewww. 

Year of the Ox

I did something on Saturday that I have never done before in my LIFE! I went and got a pedicure. I took Taylor and Aimee to get a manicure and thought it would be a nice treat for myself to get a pedicure. I sure wasn't going to waste money on my hands for they are much more utilitarian than ornamental. When the pedicure got underway, I was so uncomfortable having this little Asian man touching my feet especially when he got out that tiny cheese grater and started sanding away. My feet are extremely sensitive so this was the worst form of torment. It was like he was torturing me for information and I wanted to tell him really bad but I wasn't sure what it was. 

Anyway, when the torture was over and the more pleasant part of the pedicure began I thought I'd make some small talk. On the wall opposite me was a Chinese calendar, still displaying 2008 which apparently was the year of the rat. Being a curious creature, I asked what 2009 would be on the Chinese calendar and he told me that it was the year of the Ox. Well, knowing very little about Chinese culture, I was very inquisitive about the whole thing. He asked me what year I was born, "1973" I told him. "Ah, you born in year of Ox" he told me, "this is not good for you". At first I thought he told me that it was a good thing, then he said, "no, this is bad year for you, you must be very carful". Actually he said "you mus be wery cafu". Oh this is all I need I thought. 

The rest of the day I felt like I had been prophesied over and that I should not take this lightly. When I got home I could not wait to do research and find out more about this whole Ox thing. It was soooo interesting. If you want to find out what sign you were born under go to this site to find out. Then you can go HERE click on your animal and read about yourself. I found it all quite captivating. The "pedicure prophet" asked me if I was a hard worker and I told him that I did work pretty hard. I thought he could tell this by looking at my feet but after I got home and read about how an ox operates... it is in my nature, apparently, to work. I also found out that I am quick thinking and quite stubborn. ME?? no!! I still haven't figured out how or why that this year will be bad for me, I think I will choose to live in denial of that part. If things start going awry and I find myself in a state of misfortune, I shall do some more research and see if there is some antidotal ritual I can do to offset it all. I just hope it doesn't involve eating a live chicken or something.

10,000 more to go

I hope everyone is enjoying the music playlist that I added to my blog. For some reason "Sweet Baby James" was rattling around in my head this morning. I have an endless amount of useless information floating around in my brain, song lyrics are just one of them.  I will, without even being conscious of it, begin to sing, or quote a line from a movie or tv show or, my favorite, remember a scripture and quote it. Anyway, "Sweet Baby James" was pouring forth from my lips this morning as I was piddling around my house.  This being the first day of this year had me in a rather contemplative state, reviewing in my mind the recent year past, and imagining the year to come and singing these words, "with 10 miles behind me and 10,000 more to go". I was actually singing this as I was washing my hands in the bathroom and I stopped and paid attention to the words coming from my lips, I paused and looked at myself in the mirror, a deeply profound moment..."10,000 more to go" I told myself. Now you may think that this would be overwhelming or discouraging, but I found it extremely intoxicating. When I look back on my life, I can see how far I've come even though sometimes it feels as if I'm stuck. The picture above was taken this past fall. I posted a picture back in October of the road only it was the view of it leading home, this is the view of it leading away from home. Now this has always been challenging for Jenni, leaving my comfort zone, getting out into the world and experiencing the unknown. I hope that this year will get me out of my comfort zone and that I will grow immensely and become more of what my Creator will have me be. I pray this for all of you too and I hope when I get scared or find myself standing to the side and watching that somebody will be there to give me a shove and get me back into the race. Love to you all and a blessed new year!!!