Monday, February 2, 2009

All too soon

I am not sure how to begin writing this. There are many of you who have been following the wellness of my beautiful baby Wilson and I have news I must share but am hesitant to break anyone else's heart but my own. I gave Wilson back to God today. It became apparent this morning that he was not going to recover from his illness and surgery, so I made the difficult choice of letting him go. 
Writing about this is cathartic for me so I will tell the story, don't read it unless you have plenty of tissue. First of all, I won't go into all the grim details that led me to the decision, just please know that the choice was made out of love for Wilson and that it was the right thing to do. 

Just a few months ago, I had a dream of a beautiful puppy. My heart wouldn't be content until I had him in my arms. God made the dream a reality and gave me Wilson. He was only with me for 3 short months but I was smitten with him from the first moment I held him in my arms. I watched in amazement as day after day as he grew stronger and more beautiful. There were so many times I dreamt of how beautiful he would be when he became full grown. I could picture him running through the fields, I could see him fetching a ball with delight as his glistening body shown in the summer sun. Then I started to notice that he wasn't growing, not eating well. He would have bouts of severe tummy problems and started to become fatigued more easily. So we began a journey to try and get better. People prayed for him, doctors attended to him, and I, well I loved him. I struggled daily to try to get him to eat. I got up with him during the night when he had to go outside. I sat and held him and rubbed his little belly. I prayed that God would heal him. I researched endless hours to try and find a solution. As time went on, he became thinner and weaker but I wouldn't give up. He tried so hard, he fought to be well and his spirit never wavered until the very end. Then the time came to say, "no more". I won't continue to prolong his life. So, I tearfully picked up his weak, thin little body and took him to the vet. He sat in my lap the whole way and snuggled into my neck like he loved to do. The vet agreed that we were doing him a disservice by keeping him alive. There was a moment when Wilson and I were left alone that I felt the flutter of angels wings. Angels perhaps to minister to me, or perhaps to take Wilson to a place where he could be whole. I held him in my arms as he took his last breath and I wiped my tears with his beautiful velvety ears. I told him how sorry I was and that I hoped his journey here had been good. Making the long drive back home was nothing short of torture but I had my family waiting when I arrived. We buried him on Lightning Hill. He is given back to the earth and forever more will be beautiful and strong. Even though our time together was short, I will never forget how I loved him...and how he loved me in return. 

3 comments:

susan said...

TO WILSON:

Chase rabbits, look at the sky, smell the grass, wiggle your tail, roll on you back, run through the meadow, eat a good supper, drink from the river, and lay in the Sun and rest.

LONI said...

Oh Jenni...I am so sorry. I know God chose you for Wilson. He knew nobody else would love him and care for him as you would during his short life. Rest in peace sweet Wilson. I love you!

TLDR1440 said...

Hi Sweetie,
When I first read this Monday night, I cried some on the drive home and couldn't think of any good thing to post/comment. That decision is so, so hard to have to make.

Even though we've had to make that decision more than once, I still remember doing it for Israel, our Boston Terrier from several years ago. He had a courageous heart and was funny beyond belief.

God made all of Creation in great love and care, and Wilson is no less loved and cared for.

God bless you, Jenni.

- Martine