Monday, June 15, 2009


Do you guys know Gilad? He has been on TV since 1824, so I can't imagine that you've missed him. I used to do his Bodies in Motion series when the kids were little. He now has a fairly new show called Ultimate Body Sculpt, although I think a more appropriate name would be Total Body Torture. 

He's mean. 

He say's things like tighten your buttocks, squeeze and give me 5 more. 

down and up, and down and up. 

Even with all of this torture, I love him. First of all, he is really nice to look at. Secondly, he has a Greek accent so when he tells me to squeeze my buttocks, it sounds sexy. He also tells me that I am going to feel better about myself if I do what he is telling me to do. I'm not sure if I believe him because every time I do what he says, I can't walk normally for days. 

And then there are the girls in the background. They never stop smiling. . .SMILING! While I am sweating, screaming, bleeding, vomiting, and crying, they are doing lunges and smiling. 

I really hate those girls. 
Then there is this lady, Cathe. She is the biggest B*@%! there is. 

She smiles too!! I don't get it. I assume in order to inspire people to take part in such a primitive self-mutilating ritual, it is important to smile. 

Both of these exercise guru's are what helped me to loose weight a few years ago. Right now they are sitting idle in my dvr and they are beckoning to me. 

I know they are there, just shaking their heads in disappointment that I have so neglected my body. Can I cry now? 

I have to do it, I have to start, but it feels like I'm trying to muster up the courage to pound on my toes with a hammer. The one thing that is giving me strength and inspiration is remembering how good I felt during the time I was regularly strength training. Man did that feel good. 

My journey is far from over and now I must start down a new path, a hard path, a path that will test my body and mind. 

I'm frightened, Auntie Em, I'm frightened. 

1 comment:

Donald G. Davis said...

You are too funny! You should write books or be a columnist.