Remembering

Taylor was only 18 months old when Kyle made his big entrance. I remember, at the time, thinking that having another baby right away was a good idea.

"They will be close when they get older" I told myself. "I'll still be young enough to enjoy my life when they grow up and leave", I reasoned.

Well, today Taylor started school as a junior and Kyle as a sophomore. The past 17 years of my life have shown me what love is all about. You just don't get the true picture until you have your own children. The day that this picture was taken is etched in my memory eternally, not because of bliss but because of sheer terror.

When I was left alone for the first time with Taylor and Kyle, my heart was overwhelmed with anxiety. "How in the world am I gonna do this? What have I gotten myself into? What in heaven's name was God thinking entrusting these souls to me?"

And now, now that they have become the glorious people that they are, I look back and miss them. I would NEVER go back and do it again, raising toddlers almost killed me...literally! But look how sweet they were.

Loving them now is as easy as ever. They are both incredible people and sometimes I glance over at them and wonder who these grown people are living in my house. I miss them when they're gone. There hasn't been a first-day-of-school, from pre-k until this very morning, when I haven't had that homesick, heart-wrenching feeling. I have to just sit and cry for a minute and look forward to them coming home.

They are close, like I predicted. They love each other and are great friends (although they fight like any teenage siblings). Whether or not I'll be able to enjoy my life when they leave, is a chapter yet to be written. For now, I'm going to enjoy every little minute that God grants me and try to live with no regrets. Giving my children their wings will be one of my most precious accomplishments of all.