Saturday, November 17, 2007

first deer

I went out with Kyle this evening to sit in the hay barn and hunt. My intentions were to sit and relax, maybe shoot some pictures and start my new book. So, we headed off, Kyle with the gun, me with my camera, a book, and a cold beer...(it had been a long hard day).
The experience of climbing up to the top of the hay was nothing short of learning to mountain climb, only the cliffs weren't jagged and hard but pulled apart with every attempt to grab on. When we finally made it to our perch, I settled in, got my camera ready and opened up my book. Just as I was getting good and relaxed, Kyle whispered, get you camera ready. So I did...there were several does coming out of the woods and walking right towards us. It was getting dusky out and my camera has a hard time focusing when the light is so dim.
Right when I thought we had been there long enough and the light had faded to the point where I couldn't read or shoot pictures, Kyle informed me that there was a buck by the fence line. I said, OK. He said, "get ready to shoot it Mom". I told him I didn't want to about 10 times...after he had shoved the gun scope to my face and said. "SHOOT IT". I kept questioning him, saying things like, "it's too dark, what if he runs off and we can't find him, I can't really see through the scope." He wouldn't listen to any of my excuses and finally said to me, "Mom, I want you to have this experience, now put the cross hairs on him, just behind the shoulder, take the safety off, and SHOOT."
My heart was pounding and I couldn't believe that I had resigned myself to do this thing. I did exactly what he told me too. The shot was fired and through the smoke, I saw the silhouette of the mighty buck falling to the ground.
I was in some sort of shock or something and just started going through the motions of getting things gathered up, and heading back to the four wheeler. Kyle was talking to me and saying that he thought I had made a good shot. We got on the four-wheeler and started driving into the dark and I just kept thinking, "Lord, let it be dead, please don't let it be suffering or have run off into the woods where we'll never find it." We hadn't gone 50 yards and there it was. Then the flood of emotions hit me as I walked over to him, observing every color in his fur, the brilliant brightness still in his eyes as he lay there still and peaceful, and I remembered this verse that I had read just about a week ago...
Gen 9:2 And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth, and upon every bird of the heavens; With all wherewith the ground teemeth, and all the fishes of the sea, into your hand are they delivered.
Then I knew that God had blessed me in this moment. Standing over this beautiful beast that would feed my family. Standing on a piece of land that God blessed me with. And the biggest blessing of all was sharing all of this with the beautiful son that God gave me, this boy that is becoming a man and has the ability to make me smile when I want to cry, who stood there and hugged me when my tears began to fall, who insisted that I have this experience and it takes my breath away that he was right.

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