Thursday, August 19, 2010

firsts and lasts

Today is the first day of school. These days are always hard on me. I can't remember a first day of school that didn't cause me to crumble. Not that it is really sad, but that it marks a milestone on my journey here on this planet and I become aware of how fleeting life is. And, I really REALLY like my kids and miss them when they are gone.
I'm not sure why God gave them to me. I've always questioned His judgement on this. ME? You want ME to raise them? Surely you're mistaken.

We have a lovely relationship, my kids and I. For one thing, I have given them permission to be who God made them. In return, they allow me to be me and we dance around each others' weirdness with a natural balance. They never fail to tell me when I'm being dramatic and I don't hesitate to tell them that I am simply figuring out life just like they are. I have told them a hundred times that I didn't get a practice run on this whole parenting thing...they are it and I am, more than likely, going to mess some stuff up.

Today happens to be Taylor's last first day of school. Yes, she plans to go on to college but you know what I mean.
This was her first day of school. Pre-K. She didn't start kindergarten until she was almost 6 because of the way her birthday fell. I must admit, God was gracious to let me keep her almost a whole extra year. Just look at that kid. She was born ready to go. I didn't want her to ride the bus but she put her foot down, literally. Her little legs could barely climb those stairs. This picture isn't the greatest but you can see that beaming smile. As apprehensive as I've been over the years about letting her cut apron strings, that gumption she has in her spirit and her calm eagerness to face the world has given me peace. Look how happy she is for crying out loud! How could I not let her go?

Change is hard, I guess. Probably because we tend to get used to the way things are and we don't want to have to move from where we feel comfortable. Rodney told me this morning that we still have so many "firsts" to look forward to. He is brilliant, isn't he? So, instead of crying over what is gone, I am attempting to look forward to the next chapter in life. My goal this year is to embrace it fully. Each day and each milestone we pass. It is going to be a very full year and I am anxious to see what it will bring. I am thankful that I have my darling husband by my side to share all of our firsts and our lasts.


Lana said...

Hang in there. I didn't have much time to miss our Little Bear with all that is going on around here. Breathe in and out and then keep repeating ;-)

Kathleen said...

Beautiful post. I am so happy to find another mother who isn't wishing her children's lives away! This letting go is so very hard. My youngest's first last day was yesterday....sigh.

Marianne said...

...Another great post! And I love the new look! What are you gonna do with all your free time... Once you find your pants that is... :)