hay season

I awakened this morning feeling somewhat like I'd been hit by a bus. Rodney and I even will teasingly look at each other after several days of hard labor and say "bus??"

It is hay season on the farm. God grows the grass and we must harvest it and bale it to sustain our cattle through the winter. I have never been too crazy about "have to" stuff, but this is one chore that I really do enjoy. Probably because it is here for a brief season, and then it is done.

Rodney called me yesterday around 3:30, and told me to stop raking...I didn't even ask why, I was just so happy to have been freed from my rugged and bouncing prison that I turned the tractor around and headed home. I do love raking hay, but after three days of riding a tractor, your body starts to overrule your brain.

He later called to let me know that the belts on the baler broke. And, like I've spoken of before of our small town life, a friend is on his way this morning... baler in tow, to finish up the process.

As I was sleepily and sorely walking past the big glass door in the kitchen this morning, I couldn't help but stop and admire the un-baled wind-rows. There is just something about all that grass being neatly arranged over hills and valleys that makes my heart happy.

I am always very diligent to give credit where credit is due. See, I may have driven the machinery that so expertly sorted the hay, but that is about all I did. God grew the grass, He made the sunshine and the rain to fall upon the earth. He gave me a mind and body to be able to work and toil. Thus, I am merely a servant to the greater good of the earth. Farm life keeps one very closely in-tuned with nature, with the ways of the earth and her Creator.

Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord 1 Cor 1:31.

I may be the only person on this planet that finds this scene satisfying and heartwarming, but it is the very thing that God needed to show me this morning. It reminds me clearly of whom I serve, and gives me a joy for the life I lead.

Remembering

Taylor was only 18 months old when Kyle made his big entrance. I remember, at the time, thinking that having another baby right away was a good idea.

"They will be close when they get older" I told myself. "I'll still be young enough to enjoy my life when they grow up and leave", I reasoned.

Well, today Taylor started school as a junior and Kyle as a sophomore. The past 17 years of my life have shown me what love is all about. You just don't get the true picture until you have your own children. The day that this picture was taken is etched in my memory eternally, not because of bliss but because of sheer terror.

When I was left alone for the first time with Taylor and Kyle, my heart was overwhelmed with anxiety. "How in the world am I gonna do this? What have I gotten myself into? What in heaven's name was God thinking entrusting these souls to me?"

And now, now that they have become the glorious people that they are, I look back and miss them. I would NEVER go back and do it again, raising toddlers almost killed me...literally! But look how sweet they were.

Loving them now is as easy as ever. They are both incredible people and sometimes I glance over at them and wonder who these grown people are living in my house. I miss them when they're gone. There hasn't been a first-day-of-school, from pre-k until this very morning, when I haven't had that homesick, heart-wrenching feeling. I have to just sit and cry for a minute and look forward to them coming home.

They are close, like I predicted. They love each other and are great friends (although they fight like any teenage siblings). Whether or not I'll be able to enjoy my life when they leave, is a chapter yet to be written. For now, I'm going to enjoy every little minute that God grants me and try to live with no regrets. Giving my children their wings will be one of my most precious accomplishments of all.

Knowledge

I've always loved books, even though I'm not a big reader...there is just something so alluring and charming about a book. Last week, I went with Mom to Rich Mountain Community College in Mena so she could register for a class she's been wanting to take for years. Oral Communication. (That is a different blog entirely).

While we were on campus, Taylor and I popped into the college book store while Mom was finishing up her registration process. College book stores are one of my favorite places.

This book store is small, I mean it's Mena Arkansas people, but still offered enough pens, pencils, paper and other office supplies to lure me in.

Then low-and-behold, there before me was a whole table full of college books on sale for a DOLLAR a piece!! My heart nearly stopped.

I love a bargain almost as much as I love a good book.

This is what I made it out of there with. Taylor was convinced that I had lost my mind, especially when I started drooling and quivering with excitement. As I piled one book after another into my arms, she kept inching further and further away from me, pretending not to know me.

But, just look what I scored!

How could I NOT buy this book?

or this one? I was thinking to myself...I'll learn EVERY name of EVERY plant, and how to use them beneficially. My knowledge will be unsurpassed in my small circle and people will look to me for advice about how to care for their plants. (yeah right)

Words, words, words. How I love them so. Sometimes I randomly flip through my i pod dictionary and absorb a few definitions. It is always thrilling when one of my kids asks me what a specific word means. OHHH...I'll look it up and we can discuss this at length. They don't ask me this question nearly as much as they used to.

The Examined Life? You mean like, why am I here? Philosophy? Yes, I need this book. Did I mention that they were only a dollar??

I'm not really sure what this book is used to teach, but it had the words life and development upon the cover and it was also very pretty. I judge books by there cover even though I know I'm not supposed to.

Now this one, I wish I could hire somebody else to read for me and then take care of my personal finances for me. I figured that I could apply some of the financial theories and expertise in this book to my farm finances and now my soap business.

I really wish I could lay on the floor, put these books atop my head and absorb them into my brain. Along with my recent interest in aromatherapy, soap making, and attempting to memorize scripture...my brain is on overload. I'm just one of those people that always thinks I can do everything, then find myself exhausted and completely drained. The good thing about it is that, so far, I haven't given up trying.

Excitement

Well, today started off exciting and now has ended very exciting.

Rodney called me about an hour ago and announced that we had a baby Donkey. My heart leapt into my throat as Taylor and I scattered almost knocking each other down to get to the 4-wheeler.

Momma Donkey, or Ellie May, is still pretty skittish and didn't want us to get too close. I completely understood and kept my distance. It is times like this that I am completely in love with my zoom lens. Fighting the urge to run up to it and squish it's little neck and stroke those sweet donkey ears was almost more that I could bear.

We are pretty sure it's a girl. It was hard to tell from so far away but Rodney said he could tell so for now I'm trusting his expertise in this arena. As I was shooting pictures I kept thinking...that is one big baby. I'm glad I'm not a donkey.

Why I Love The Farm

In 1987, my family and I moved to this farm. I was 14 years old. Amid the unpacking of boxes and sorting through and organizing of all our stuff, Mom found a little note I had written in kindergarten. I so wish I had it to show you but it was lost in the house fire, but according to my memory, it went something like this...

When I grow up I want to live on a farm

I want to have 3 pupes (puppies)

2 cats

6 cows

I want to live on a farm when I grow up

Mom hung it on the fridge and it stayed there for months after. I remember my dad saying "well, you got your dang wish didn't cha?"

I think it was just some kind of inherit God-given need for me to live in the country. Mom said that when I was a baby, they brought me to Arkansas when I was about 6 weeks old and it was the first time I slept through the night. Like my soul was at peace here. hmm?

Anyway, here is a list of the reasons I love it here.

1. I can pretty much have any animal I want, with the exception of like lions and tigers.

2. I can work outside all day with no make-up and not worry about what my neighbors will think

3. My kids and dogs can roam around freely and my only worry is ticks and chiggers.

4. We can hear a vehicle coming for about 2 miles and I can usually tell who it is.

5. The community of people around here is like nowhere else on earth.

6. When I go for my walks around the loop, there is a stretch of road that is gated off so I can shake my booty to the music in my ipod and act like an idiot without fear of being nabbed and taken to the insane asylum.

7. I keep a pair of binoculars by my big glass door in the kitchen to look at the wildlife.

8. The light pollution is so minimal that I can lay out at night and see almost every star in the universe.

9. My parents are my closest neighbors.

10. We religiously watch the weather channel because our lives revolve around what the weather is doing.

11. We give each other directions by saying things like "over on the west fence line" or "on lightening hill" or "down in the big gully" or "by the big pond".

12. When my parents house burned down it was in the middle of hay season and about 5 guys showed up with tractors and hay rakes and balers and put up my parents hay.

13. When anybody in the community gets sick or experiences a loss or tragedy, everybody pitches in to help them out.

14. I know exactly where my meat comes from.

15. Peace and quite

16. Grocery shopping is an adventure.

17. When we eat at the local restaurant, we know everybody in there.

18. I can see my husband anytime I want to.

19. I have all the resources at my disposal to live off the land if it ever came to that.

20. My soul IS at peace here and I know that I'm exactly where God wants me to be.

An old cattleman told Rodney once, "you either love it, or you hate it." Farming is not for the faint of heart, that's for sure, but for those of us that love it, there is nothing else we'd rather be doing.

Mean People

It was funny to me that the only "mean face" I could find to represent this blog was on the face of one of the sweetest people I know.

So, here is my little rant about mean spiritedness. In recent history (my recent history), several things have happened that opened my eyes to a little meanness going on around me. I don't now, and never will perhaps, understand where meanness comes from. Don't get me wrong, I can be mean...just ask my husband. What I'm talking about is that underlying spirit of cruelty. I'm talking about people that deliberately set out to hurt others, who seem to get some sort of joy and satisfaction out of causing someone else pain. Are you getting this? Do you know anybody like this? You know...jerks?

If you've kept up with my blog at all, or know me very well...I hope that I've come across as an optimist and someone who sees the best in everybody and in every situation, so this may all seem a bit shocking to you. As a Christian, I try to analyze what my response should be in certain situations. I mean, you have the standby reactions that come with loving your neighbor and treating others the way you want to be treated etc... But what is a girl to do when faced with a blatantly mean person?? My dad used to tell me, "honey, there are going to be people that are just not going to like you. They won't have a reason in the world to hate you, but they will anyway." And here I sit, a 36 year old woman, still trying to figure that one out. But WHY? Why don't they like me? Why are they mean? What makes a person mean and what do I do when it hits me in the face?"

Jesus got angry and told some people off once, remember? But...I'm supposed to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me. (Matt 5:44). How does a person go about doing this? My first thoughts were that it is tremendously helpful to know that God is on your side. Me plus God is a majority, right? That is number one. My human instincts tell me to plow right over the mean people, chew em up and spit em out. Prayer is how I can deal with this. I can take my petition before God and say, "MAN I'm mad! I don't rightly what to do with all this, it is so over my head and I'm so angry about it, I don't know what to do. Help me to rise above it and be the person you intend for me to be, and God (here is the hard part) bless so-and-so and help them to be kinder, soften their hearts, ease their pain, and help me to know the right things to say to them."

Whew...that was tough. I guess so far in my life, dealing with meanness has been the hardest for me to understand. What in the world happens to a person to make them knock and old lady down and steal her purse? Who steals a dog from somebody's yard (something that actually happened to me once)...What kind of a person sets out to hurt somebody's feelings just for the fun of it? WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON??? I've been so smothered with love and affection my whole life, that all of it is just completely inconceivable. I guess I prefer to live in my little "fairy land" where nothing bad ever happens. My duty is to be kind, yes, even to the mean people. This heaviness of heart will pass soon, I'm sure, and God will deal with those who need dealing with. I'm glad I'm not the judge and jury.

Oh, and don't worry...it's not you that's on my "list".

Soap

Man, things have been crazy around the farm this week. We had our big family reunion last Saturday, which was lovely. Rodney and I celebrated our 18 year anniversary. Taylor went on a week-long trip through the big state of Texas. Kyle has been off his meds (need I say more?)

The biggest of all the news, for little ol' me anyway, is that I made a decision to buy my best friends soap-making business.

For some reason, I just kept feeling compelled to do it. I kept rationalizing how it would be too much... too much time, too much stuff, too much hassle. But this little tug at my heart kept on bringing me back to considering it. After letting God work on me for a while, I finally decided that if He was pushing me this hard to keep thinking about it and considering it...He must want me to DO it.

Now, I'm freaking out about it. Freaking out in a good way. I have spent the past few days clearing out space in my kitchen and utility room for supplies and ingredients. My mind won't quit racing with excitement over what kinds of soaps and other products I will make, how I will package them, sell them, and ship them.

I've been working on a website and hope to have it all figured out by the time I get my inventory built up. I've already got orders from Jill's previous customers and have received lots of interest from people in my little circle.

Coming up with a name was the hardest part! (so far). I wanted to use a locally relevant name, something that would connect the business to my neck-of-the-woods. I also wanted the name to paint a picture of freshness and country. Using organic, green, or natural was also important. So, thanks to much input from my friends and family, I finally landed on this...

My heart just about bursts when I say it out loud now. This isn't the official logo yet, but the picture was the perfect depiction of Ouachita Valley, don't you think?

Oh, there is so much to do, so much to learn, so much to be thankful for. I can't wait to start!